| A Remembrance of Things Past |
[Monday
01 Feb 2010 @ 10:42pm] |
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music |
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Quatre motets sur des thèmes grégoriens - Maurice Duruflé |
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I really enjoyed sight-singing Durufle's setting of Ubi Caritas with some of the HALMM people on Saturday night after practice. Somehow, it reminded me of certain things I've forgotten.
Ubi caritas et amor, Deus ibi est.
Congregavit nos in unum Christi amor.
Exsultemus, et in ipso jucundemur.
Timeamus, et amemus Deum vivum.
Et ex corde diligamus nos sincero.
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[Thursday
28 Jan 2010 @ 07:51pm] |
I realised I haven't been updating as much as during my first week in NS. Not that that has got much more interesting.
Anyway, though I don't have to, since ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) laiqualaurelote wrote one for me, I thought, why not do a meme. The rules are simple and no coercion is involved in posting it back.
Reply to this post, and I'll tell you one reason why I like you.
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[Friday
15 Jan 2010 @ 12:04am] |
Since kismetsays posted an entry about Ted Hughes, I shall too (see, NS is making me update my LJ everyday).
Perfect Light
There you are, in all your innocence,
Sitting among your daffodils, as in a picture
Posed as for the title: 'Innocence'.
Perfect light in your face lights it up
Like a daffodil. Like any one of those daffodils
It was to be your only April on earth
Among your daffodils. In your arms,
Like a teddy bear, your new son,
Only a few weeks into his innocence,
Mother and infant, as in the Holy portrait.
And beside you, laughing up at you,
Your daughter, barely two. Like a daffodil
You turn your face down to her, saying something.
Your words were lost in the camera.
And the knowledge
Inside the hill on which you are sitting.
A moated fort hill, bigger than your house,
Failed to reach the picture. While your next moment,
Coming towards you like an infantryman
Returning slowly out of no-man's-land,
Bowed under something, never reached you—
Simply melted into the perfect light.
— Ted Hughes, Birthday Letters
I never really liked Hughes's poetry, based on the little I'd read of it, until I came across this one while leafing through Kenny's copy of Birthday Letters in BooksActually, sometime in early J1. This is obviously an older, more mature Hughes; it's no longer the appasionata of Lovesong but something contemplative. I think of the 60-something year old Hughes looking through old photographs of the people he could once call family, reminiscing and regretting at the same time. Yet if there is any regret, it is thickly veiled, nor is there the typical memoir sense of post-hoc justification. There is instead the persistence tenderness of memory. As they say, memoria praeteritorum bonorum -- the past is remembered well. Here Hughes is using words to describe how the photograph contains only light, with no words to bring back painful memories, and in the last few lines he is deliberately de-intensifying the poem. Alas, forgetting is the best we can do.
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[Wednesday
13 Jan 2010 @ 10:23pm] |
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Jesus Christ the Apple Tree |
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I got this from laiqualaurelote:
In memory of family and friends who have lost the battle with cancer; and in support of the ones who continue to conquer it! Post this on your LJ if you know someone who has or had cancer. 93% won't copy and paste this. Will you?
Although I post this for reasons less close to my heart than Livvy does, I do know people in both categories. For all the things I dislike about the USA culturally or otherwise, I am sure it will one day be the country that discovers the cure for cancer. Till then.
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| We all live in a yellow submarine... |
[Tuesday
12 Jan 2010 @ 08:54pm] |
All right, I got put in the Cambridge Winter Pool. All this extended waiting time is beginning to bore me.
In other news, NS has been fine. Not the most exciting part of my life, but at least it's not killing me. Anyway, my camp is opposite KAP (i.e. something like 3 or 4 bus stops from Hwach) and I book out at 5.30pm everyday (5pm on Fridays), so if you'd like to meet for dinner either around the area or somewhere else convenient, do let me know!
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[Sunday
10 Jan 2010 @ 02:37am] |
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music |
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Crux Fidelis - King John IV of Portugal |
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Now that Christmastide is officially over I have started listening to my Music for Holy Week CD again. It isn't just the religious significance of it, I think, that matters. The sacred music written for Holy Week seems to tell us more about being human than anything else. Maybe it's because Jesus was at his most human when he was betrayed and died -- 'Tristis est anima mea usque ad mortem: sustinete hic et vigilate mecum' (Sorrowful is my soul even unto death: stay here and watch with me) could be the plea of anyone of us, and I think that is the emotional centre of Holy Week. All the fasting, abstinence and penance of Lent reminds us of our mortality and that's what makes the music of Holy Week, more than any other sacred music, so reflective of the human conditon.
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[Saturday
09 Jan 2010 @ 12:42am] |
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Hear my prayer/O for the wings of a dove - Mendelssohn |
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All right I am many days late on writing this entry, but since it's the weekend I have some time to do so. And I'm only writing this because I still haven't heard from Cambridge. And also because I don't want to do a 2009 meme.
What I wanted to say when the New Year dawned was that, this New Year feels a lot more momentous, I think, than a year ago. This time last year SYF and the A Levels were at large in the back of my mind, but I don't think I thought much about beyond 2009 -- at that time we weren't even sure if we'd be allowed to apply to Oxbridge and things like that, anyway. Yesterday most of Subversion Row plus Yongquan stayed over at my place and we talked a lot about both JC and the future, about things which we wouldn't have seriously considered just a year ago, maybe. And suddenly the future is bit of 'black hole' (was it Melly who said this?), really, because of the uncertainty of university apps. But it strikes me that this New Year is a transition not from 2009 but from the whole two years of JC life.
I think despite all the stressful episodes of JC life I'm really happy about the way things turned out for me. I know lots of people I talk to say they really hated JC for all its complicatedness and competitiveness, but I have to say I really enjoyed schooling in Hwach these two years. If anything, Hwach gave me a new lease of life without which I would be a hellishly different person today, and for the worse, at that. For the first time since maybe Sec 1, I sincerely enjoyed and appreciated the education that I was receiving (H1 Chinese and PW don't count, thank God I didn't take GP), and unlike in secondary school when I had 4 years wasted of CCA life I really learnt a lot from and felt a lot for my 2 JC CCAs. I'm thankful, too, for people like Subversion Row (hurhur this name is catching on), the rioHC tetrarchy (hahaha new pretentious word) and others I've got to know in HP, rioHC or elsewhere. And of course there are others not from school who have been equally, if not more, important, so thank you to you, you know who you are. (:
That's as much reflection as I'm going to write because no amount of reflection will really do justice to the last two years. So I will remember my 2 years in Hwach as a rather happy time of my life, even if there were more painful moments, during which I did many new things, learned a lot about others and about myself, got better at things I was good at, changed opinions of some people for better or worse, loved and lost and loved again. Ah well. Happy 2010 to you all.
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[Thursday
24 Dec 2009 @ 02:59pm] |
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Dominus dixit ad me |
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The Heart-in-Waiting
Jesus walked through whispering wood:
'I am pale blossom, I am blood berry,
I am rough bark, I am sharp thorn.
This is the place where you will be born.'
Jesus went down to the skirl of the sea:
'I am long reach, I am fierce comber,
I am keen saltspray, I am spring tide.'
He pushed the cup of the sea aside
And heard the sky which breathed-and-blew:
'I am the firmament, I am the shape-changer,
I cradle and carry and kiss and roar,
I am infinite roof and floor.'
All day he walked, he walked at night,
Then Jesus came to the heart at dawn.
'Here and now,' said the heart-in-waiting,
'This is the place where you must be born.'
-- Kevin Crossley-Holland
Merry Christmas to one and all!
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[Saturday
19 Dec 2009 @ 02:18am] |
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Carolling's finally got into full swing and I'm rather exhausted from all the activity, but I can't sleep at the moment because of my screwed up sleep cycle, so I shall post here. And I've been coming home past midnight these few days, but not to my parents' consternation because for the first time in my life I've been given a house key. Being 18 has never felt so real. :D
Also I just had supper at Geylang after our carolling engagement, and someone was rather intrigued about seeing the red light district (not to mention one of my friends actually got grabbed by a hooker). Walking along Geylang all the way from Lor 28 to 9 was quite an experience, though it made some of us feel quite like tourists. Still, it was worth the walk for the food; thank goodness I was no longer febrile (hurhur) by then.
And for now I shall try to get some sleep.
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| Public Announcement |
[Monday
14 Dec 2009 @ 07:32pm] |
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Winter Wonderland |
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Erm. My Hotmail account has been phished. Yesterday I had 130 messages of delivery status notifications in my inbox. So if you've received a pr0n email from me don't think I've stopped being the good Catholic boy I'm supposed to be. (I mean, what were you thinking, me sending out pr0n while at church camp? Haha.)
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[Thursday
10 Dec 2009 @ 11:16pm] |
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My sleep pattern's been highly irregular these few days -- Prom didn't help, of course -- but hopefully it's beginning to settle. Just in time for my choir camp anyway, which brings me to remind you that from 11th-13th December I will be away at my church choir's camp without internet access, so I will only be contactable by phone. Although we will be attending the TPCC concert, Pedals and Pipes, this Friday evening at the Esplanade, so do drop me a message if you're also going for that.
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[Sunday
29 Nov 2009 @ 10:05pm] |
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Requiem - Faure |
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Advent is finally here -- and it really is my favourite season of the year. Spiritually, Lent is perhaps more meaningful to me, but for the fact that it is 1) a time of penance and 2) it coincides with some of the more stressful portions of the school year, it isn't always the most enjoyable time period. Much as Advent and Christmas have become so commercialised, I think it's still possible for there to subsist a true spirit of Christmas alongside the gift-giving and merrymaking. Anyway, I like Advent because that's also when I get to meet up with friends I see too little and friends I don't see at all and I think altogether that makes Christmas what it is for me. To be able to tell someone that you love them without any suspicion or guilt (or to use the Love Actually phrase, 'without hope or agenda') is perhaps the best thing about the season. That it comes right after major exams is a big plus-point, of course.
Carolling is one of those things I've been looking forward to every year since Sec 2 (which makes this my 5th year going carolling) and this year it seems to mean much more to me. Partly because I'm closer to my choir than I was just 2 years ago and I'm more comfortable in my position as conductor than I was exactly a year ago, partly because of a newfound outlook in my faith. I mean, I'm glad I'm pretty much beyond all the old Catholic-Protestant disputes and that I've been able to stand firm despite all that; what matters to me more is spirituality and devotion rather than theological inquiry -- no doubt still important, but it only tells half the story of the Christian life. Studying in church has proven interesting, not least because of the occasional conversations with Jarvis and Br. Jude, or because of what non-Christians who come over say regarding the church or religion in general. Can I truly say that I have grown closer to God over the last few weeks, after going for weekday mass almost everyday, I don't know for certain. But I'm looking forward to carolling because I think that's going to be yet another meaningful expression of what it means to be a Christian. And I hope that the choir camp will be helpful in reinforcing that attitude, along with the usual fun, laughter, peace and joy.
No, of course I'm also looking forward to carolling for all the parties, the suppering and the usual banter. I don't think that ought to be underestimated! Something with which to keep me busy before my brain rots is always welcome, too.
Anyway, today Lucas showed me a most strange hymn. If only our hymns today had this sort of content. But then again, this isn't stuff for the fainthearted.
( THE UNICORN IS CAPTURED )
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| NO FEAR, SHAKESPEARE |
[Monday
23 Nov 2009 @ 09:04pm] |
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music |
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Random Chopin Waltz on pg. 62 of my piano book |
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I honestly feel thrilled that the A Levels are about to be over. And I'm glad that the Renaissance paper is our last, because it's such a lovely note to end on. Of course unlike most people this is going to be far from the last Literature exam of my life, but still, in about 20 hours' time I think I will be quite glad to be able to think about Literature outside the context of written exams for some time.
And I suppose since today was my last day of studying in church, a big thank you to all who have come down to study with me without any religious objections to the location -- Hon Yee, Michelle, Kellie, Melly, Ming Yang and anyone else I've missed out! As I said yesterday, Literature is really one of those subjects that isn't meant to be studied alone, so your presence has been much appreciated. Likewise to those whom I've studied with in various other locations -- Junjie, Ziwei, Weiling, etc. Hopefully the next time any of us meet it will be not related to academics.
Since I have no sonnets of my own, this is all I have to offer:
Sonnet 18
By Anthony Baldwin
(sorry, Will)
Shall I compare thee to a bale of hay?
Thou art more dusty and far less neat.
Rough winds do toss thy mop about, I'd say,
Which looks far worse than hay a horse would eat.
Sometime thy squinty eye looks into mine
Through stringy, greasy hair that needs be trimm'd.
And ne'er a horse had such a stench as thine,
As though in stagnant sewers thou has swimm'd.
Thy disgusting image shall not fade;
This my tortured mind and soul doth know.
O, I should love to hit thee with a spade;
And with that blow I hope that thou wouldst go.
So long as I can breathe, my eyes can see,
And I can run, I'll stay away from thee...
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| Sniffing the twilight |
[Friday
20 Nov 2009 @ 11:35pm] |
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Mass in C Minor (Waisenhausmesse) - Mozart |
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Today, returning home from school I opened up the latest issue of The Economist, only to discover that the front cover read, 'HOW TO FEED THE WORLD'. Like, hello, material for 2011 A Level Econs case study much?
On a vastly different note, I'm really looking forward to the end of the A Levels. While I expect Tuesday will be rather anti-climactic, I think I will remain pleased to be leaving JC on a highly positive note; it's a very gratifying feeling that I can't quite explain. I really feel that I've achieved much during these 2 years, I've done many interesting things, I've had some of the best opportunities I could ever get in JC -- and most of all it often doesn't feel real when I think about all the friends I've made. So I'm just glad to be leaving JC without any bitterness -- no grinding and gnashing of teeth. It's been a very meaningful 2 years. (:
These few days I've been listening to so much Mozart (everything but his Requiem) I'm surprised at how much I'm receiving from his music. I mean, I was never a fan of Mozart's music (or the Classical period, in general) but his Masses are suddenly so uplifting, after all the Angst-ridden classical music there is in my music library. I guess it says something about how much I'm looking forward to this Advent and Christmas, after these long weeks of studying and sitting for exams. I was never good at being single-minded about studies, but it's something I've had to learn while on the job. Still, I'll be happy to not be a full-time student for the first time in 12 years. As Lucas says, 'Learning is fun, studying is not'.
After the A Levels one of the first things I really want to do is to sit somewhere nice and cosy (i.e. not at home, not in church -- my mugging hideouts) and just read pretty poetry. And, oh yes, write some poetry, too. Any sort of personal writing regime is just impossible with the A Levels going on.
Neruda's poetry always makes me believe that there is nothing mundane, that there is so much richness to life, even in sadness, if you would just live life.
Leaning Into The Afternoons
Leaning into the afternoons I cast my sad nets
towards your oceanic eyes.
There in the highest blaze my solitude lengthens and flames,
its arms turning like a drowning man's.
I send out red signals across your absent eyes
that smell like the sea or the beach by a lighthouse.
You keep only darkness, my distant female,
from your regard sometimes the coast of dread emerges.
Leaning into the afternoons I fling my sad nets
to that sea that is thrashed by your oceanic eyes.
The birds of night peck at the first stars
that flash like my soul when I love you.
The night gallops on its shadowy mare
shedding blue tassels over the land.
-- Pablo Neruda
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| AMDG |
[Saturday
07 Nov 2009 @ 08:33pm] |
So my 18th birthday has been 100% alcohol-free, for reasons we all know. This is my first mugging birthday, and hopefully the last one. It is, however, not the first birthday I've been sick on (I'm almost fully recovered, though). It's also my first Facebook birthday, so thank you to all who posted on my wall/sent me messages. And it was my first HALMM birthday, which thankfully did not spawn any embarrassing moments.
Anyway, thank you to all who remembered and sent your love in one way or another. On a day when I'm both sick and stuck in one room mugging for the most part, it means a lot.
What Is Our Life
What is our life? The play of passion.
Our mirth? The music of division:
Our mothers’ wombs the tiring-houses be,
Where we are dressed for life’s short comedy.
The earth the stage; Heaven the spectator is,
Who sits and views whosoe’er doth act amiss.
The graves which hide us from the scorching sun
Are like drawn curtains when the play is done.
Thus playing post we to our latest rest,
And then we die in earnest, not in jest.
-- Sir Walter Raleigh
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[Sunday
01 Nov 2009 @ 08:58pm] |
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Se in ogni guardo - Vivaldi |
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Has anyone realised that our A Level International History paper takes place on the 20th anniversary of the collapse of the Berlin Wall? *cue question-spotting*
Happy All Hallows' Day to all!
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| The best is yet to be? |
[Friday
23 Oct 2009 @ 08:25pm] |
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Love Divine, All Loves Excelling |
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Last night was our Graduation Ceremony, which proved to be far more interesting than I'd expected. Also, the people sitting around me were shocked at my ability to actually sing Chinese songs (I mean, you only graduate once, right? might as well sing along), which was rather amusing in itself. Clearly I did not spend my two years in Hwa Chong Choir in vain.
Incidentally, leaving ACSI I never thought I would hear a prayer being recited publicly in school again, until Ms Wong gave the Irish Blessing towards the end of her speech (omitting the last line, of course):
May the road rise up to meet you.
May the wind be always at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face;
the rains fall soft upon your fields and until we meet again,
may God hold you in the palm of His hand.
And of course, 'Mug with passion, so that Cambridge will mark with compassion'.
<3hc. More after A Levels/Prom.
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[Sunday
18 Oct 2009 @ 07:13pm] |
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Nolo Mortem Peccatoribus - Morley |
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This is updated list of books I want (and will hopefully fill my time during NS):
Poetry
John Milton Paradise Lost
Pablo Neruda 100 Sonnets
Derek Walcott Selected Poems (or any other good introductory collection)
Fiction
J M Coetzee Waiting for the Barbarians
Yukio Mishima The Temple of the Golden Pavillion
Yukio Mishima Spring Snow
Albert Camus The Stranger
Drama
Tom Stoppard Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead
Non-fiction
Soren Kierkegaard Fear and Trembling
Pope Benedict XVI Jesus of Nazareth
1) If you own any of these and would gladly lend them to me for an extended period of time (I am a slow reader), do let me know.
2) If you are ever looking for a gift for me, Penguin Black Classics, Faber&Faber and Vintage editions are my favourites.
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[Saturday
26 Sep 2009 @ 11:42am] |
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Salve Regina - Poulenc |
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With some relief, the Prelims are over. I can only say that this has been the strangest exam season of my life (maybe the A Levels will beat that). For a start, playing Bridge with Melly, Jamie and Hon Yee for almost an hour right before yesterday's KI paper was rather gratifying -- especially in retrospect, when it turned out the long passage was nothing we could study for. Next, the varied company I've been mugging with each different day. And of course, all the attendant bizarre conversations and jokes. Also, I felt completely at peace after realising I am but a single drop in the sea of Brahman handing in my IS and, well, the longest H3 in Hwa Chong (41 pages, thanks to my IS-long appendix). It hasn't really felt like I've just completed a major exam, but then again I'm rarely really stressed over exams -- I just get annoyed at mugging, which isn't quite the same thing.
So I shall think about how to spend the next few days not mugging. Catch up on reading, check; go out, check; watch movies, check. And oh yes, start listening to music again. I haven't really been listening to music very much because often once I start it takes even longer for me to get off the computer (as if MSN wasn't enough). As I tell people, Classical music is hardly the best music to study to when it's music you understand.
And I also quite like this hymn:
Abide with me; fast falls the eventide;
The darkness deepens; Lord, with me abide!
When other helpers fail, and comforts flee,
Help of the helpless, O abide with me!
[...]
I fear no foe, with thee at hand to bless
Ills have no weight, and tears no bitterness;
Where is death's sting? where, grave thy victory?
I triumph still, if thou abide with me.
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| For them that weary of mugging/life in general... |
[Sunday
20 Sep 2009 @ 07:32pm] |
Okay, here's a riddle of sorts:
There are two diverging paths; one leads to Heaven and the other to Hell. At the fork of the road stands a pair of twins, one of whom only tells the truth while the other only tells lies. You can only ask one question to both simultaneously to determine which path leads to Heaven. There are no further assumptions to be made. What is the question?
(At present I only know two solutions, one of which is a yes-or-no question. I would like to find out any more elegant solutions.)
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